And... That's a Wrap!

On Tuesday, our sweet Nathan's adoption was officially finalized! He has been our son from the moment we laid eyes on him, and our love for him grew from the moment we knew he existed. But now he is officially legally ours!!!! Praise the Lord! This adoption journey has been a wild ride, but it was worth every tear shed, all the anxiety, and every last high and low. We love you sweet boy!

6 months!

I can't believe my sweet boy is six months old! He turned 6 months old on Monday, and I finally got around to my six month pictures today. Boy has he grown! His personality is shining through these days. Lots of sass, smiles, and squeals (or really I should say screams). He loves to stand and jump, will eat just about anything we give him, and has a smile that can stop me in my tracks. He just got his first 2 teeth on the bottom, and his hair is finally starting to come in (although I think his bald head is cute). He finally sleeps through the night, is rolling over, and is just starting to sit. He tries to crawl by getting into a Superman stance and bouncing/wiggling like a worm. If willpower were enough, this kid would be crawling across the room. He just hasn't quite figured it all out yet. I can't believe he's turning into a little boy already.

The past couple days I've been in the car a lot, which lends itself to a lot of thinking time. I have found myself just sitting in awe at this little boy and all that has come about these past 6 months. It was like the reality of everything just kind of hit me last night in the car. I've been so caught up in getting through day to day life, that I never really sat down and thought about it all. Adoption is truly a unique experience and SUCH A GIFT! Seriously, what a gift! He grew within his birthmother, who felt him kick for the first time, who knew his daily schedule of flipping and kicking and how he sucked his thumb in the womb, and who knew him better than anyone on this earth. She placed him in our care. She chose US to be the parents of this little boy. It's just so incredible. I really can't put to words the thoughts and emotions I have experienced the past few days, but I think gratitude really sums it up the best. I have an overwhelming sense of gratitude and feel so blessed. God is good!

Little Happies- Life is Good :)

I have several post ideas that I have been meaning to sit down and write, but every time I have a free moment I just can't get myself to sit down and write. Because nap time around here is nap time for me too- I can't turn down a nap! And when this guy's day is over, my energy is pretty much gone. Sooo anyways my point is I am grateful for this link-up. It's a nice way for me to feel like I am still part of the blogging world without feeling like I need to think of an in depth post. Writing about the joys in my life? Yup, I can do that! There are lots of those these days. 

1- Summer Break is here!!!!!!!! I have loved my job the past few months. My caseload was ideal, my schedule was great, and the women I worked with were fantastic. I hadn't realized how much it was draining me though. I feel so much more refreshed starting out each day with a big smile from my little guy. We don't have to rush out the door. I can just soak him up. It's fantastic! I feel like a much more calm and in tune mom these days. This whole stay-at-home mom thing is agreeing with me :) It may be temporary, but I'm so grateful for this time!

2- We got a membership to the zoo- I'm pretty pumped about having the chance to do all the fun things that I've dreamed of doing "once we have kids". At this point, the zoo trips are more for me than Nathan, but it's still a lot of fun. We took our first trip this week with some of our closest friends, aka his girl. The kids really enjoyed checking out the grass, smiling at the people around us, and swatting at each other. Really, who has time to check out the animals? Priorities people!

3- Naps- Have I mentioned how much I love sleep? In the short time I've been off, I've been able to get the babe on a decent schedule. This beautiful schedule includes a glorious almost 2 hour nap each morning. He swings and sleeps, and I lounge on the couch nearby reading blogs and books and soon after taking a nap. Ahhh... I love it!

4- Cleaning- Yea I'm surprised that made my happies too! I can't say I'm a huge fan of cleaning, but I love how great I feel once I've accomplished something. Most days, I'd consider it a victory to get a load of laundry in, bottles washed, and dishes in the dishwasher. So far in my time off, I've had time to weed the jungle that was growing in our front yard and clean out our desk and file everything in it into a new file cabinet. I have a lot of other jobs to get done around the house. Here's to hoping I keep it up throughout the summer.

5- Father's Day- Dan celebrated his first Father's Day this week. We have been waiting so long to celebrate these special days and feel so blessed to have our little guy to celebrate with. Here are some pictures from this weekend. I dare you not to smile ;)

My boys

Hanging out with Grandpa

Seriously... my heart is melting

For more Little Happies, head on over to Stephanie's blog

Little Happies: Almost Summer!

1- A Special Visit- A couple weeks ago Nathan's birthmom came for a visit.We enjoyed lunch in our backyard on an absolutely gorgeous day and headed over to a nearby festival.

Nathan hanging out at the festival

I love spending time with her and watching her joy as she spends time with Nathan. I'll admit that I get a little nervous right before our visits, but the second we see one another it all melts away. We are so fortunate to have such a wonderful relationship with her. I look forward to seeing how it develops over the years. 

2- Carnival Fun- Last week at work we took the kids to a local carnival. It was wonderful! They opened one day just for special education programs to attend. It was completely free- rides, games, lunch, everything. The smiles on these kids faces made being a sweaty disheveled mess worth it.

3- Fun with Friends- On Friday Nathan and I joined a friend and her daughter, along with her friend and her son for an afternoon at the arboretum. It was HOT but beautiful. Nathan loves being outside. He really only fussed when he was hot and hungry, and I can't blame him. I'm not pleasant to be around when I'm hot and hungry either. He loved picnicking under a shady tree and gobbling up his peas. The boy loves to eat. He also enjoyed chilling on his blanket and playing in the grass.

A few princesses enjoying the night out

4- Bunco- My aunt hosted a tiara themed bunco night last Friday. Honestly it felt great to have a night on my own. I love spending time with my aunts and cousins, a little bit of friendly competition, and a glass or two of wine. To top things off, I won $30. I'd call that a successful night out. 

5-This post- 

Stephanie at "Blessed to Be" invited me to co-write a post on the ways in which adoption and pregnancy are similar. It was a lot of fun bouncing ideas off of each other and putting together our writing styles to compose a pretty fantastic post if I do say so myself. Head on over to this post to check it out. Thank you, Stephanie, for inviting me to take part in my first co-written post. I feel like a real blogger now :) If you haven't already, head over to Stephanie's blog. She is the host of this fabulous link-up and has a lot to share about the joys and struggles of adoption. Also, send up a prayer or two or three that her little one joins her family soon. The wait is no fun, and I hope it is over for her soon!

6- Family time- My youngest brother is home from college and giving Nathan Superman rides. Makes me smile :)

That's it for this week! Head on over to Stephanie's blog to read some more Little Happies posts.

8 Ways In Which Adoption and Pregnancy Are Similar

I'm so excited to post my first co-written blog post! I teamed up with expectant adoptive mom, Stephanie of Blessed to Be. I'll let Stephanie start us off :)

It's easy to think there are huge differences between becoming a parent through conception and becoming a parent through adoption. The big obvious one is that women who can get pregnant carry their child with them for nine months, something adoptive mamas don't experience. Some people will even go so far as to say that adoptive parents aren't 100% parent because they haven't experienced the physical and emotional pains of a pregnancy. In their opinion, only pregnancy turns a woman into a real mom. But are we really all that different? Are our journeys that unalike? 

Sure, we didn't carry that little one around with us for nine months, but we do still have lots in common. We at least experience many of the same feelings of excitement, freak-outedness, disappointment, heartache, impatience, and joy, just to name a few. Ok, so maybe our hormones aren't making us cry over the latest episode of The View or causing a serious banana split craving at two in the morning, but many of the emotions are identical. 

To prove our point, we teamed up to write this post about how surprisingly similar the domestic adoption process and pregnancy really are. Even though we are a bit more familiar with adoption, we know enough about TTC (trying to conceive) and all the pregnancy stuff our friends and family members have experienced that we think we know what we're talking about. :)

And now we present to you 8 ways in which domestic adoption and pregnancy are similar:

Deciding to show your profile // Deciding to try to get pregnant -- Stephanie

The moment you give your adoption agency the YES to show your profile, the whole game changes. You go from thinking, "Yeah, we'll be parents someday," to, "Yikes, we could be parents so soon!" It's a big shift and I remember feeling the same way when John and I decided it was time for us to start trying to get pregnant. In both situations, there's tons of excitement, a few fears here and there, and lots of nerves overall. In adoption you worry about things like, "Will this birthmom and baby be 'the one'? Will anyone ever like our profile? If she does pick us, will she stick with her plan?" When you're trying to get pregnant, your worries are more like, "Will this cycle be 'the one'? Will we ever get pregnant? If we do get pregnant, will our little one stick?" While the questions are slightly different, the feelings are absolutely the same. It's the moment you go from, "We're not quite ready to be parents," to, "LET'S DO THIS!" and that's quite an exciting, super-scary, life-altering jump.

Stephanie and John's profile that will be presented to birth mothers

Waiting to hear back from your agency while your profile is being shown // The two week wait -- Stephanie

If you've ever tried to get pregnant, you know about that dreaded two week wait, those two weeks between ovulation and when you'd normally get your period, when you aren't sure if you're pregnant but are so hopeful you are. During the adoption process, after you decide to go ahead and show your profile to a birthmom, you experience quite the wait too. While the wait to hear back from your agency may not take exactly two weeks, the feelings of impatience and the constant day dreaming of what your future will be like with this possible child are absolutely just as present. It's also easy to waiver between extreme hope and utter despair, from, "This must be it!" to "This will never happen for us," in a matter of minutes. Oh, the waiting. Both trying to get pregnant and trying to adopt can have plenty of waiting involved, for sure. It's probably God's way of teaching us all patience, 'cause He knows we'll need it once those kiddos do come along. 

Finding out you didn't match // Getting your period -- Stephanie

When you get the call from your agency that you didn't match with the birthmom and baby, it's very similar to the disappointment you feel when holding a negative pregnancy test in your hand or experiencing another cycle day 1. It's just one big bummer, one big case of dreams deferred yet again. I've had many ugly cries over getting my period and I've also had a bunch over not matching with a little guy we were almost sure we'd match with. "Why am I such a failure?" and, "Why is this happening to us?" are common thoughts in both adoption and TTC, especially when things don't work out the way you think they're going to. Yet, in both situations, you have to continue to find hope, even when it's the last thing you want to do. We pick ourselves back up, rely on family and friends to carry us through, and hold our heads mostly high as we try for another cycle or show our profiles once again. It's what makes all us infertiles and all us waiting-to-adopters even stronger than we could ever imagine.

Finding out you did match // Getting a BFP! -- Lisa

Whether you are sitting waiting for that little plus sign on a pregnancy test or jumping every time the phone rings, nothing quite compares to the news that you are officially anticipating the arrival of your child. When we found out we were in a match, I seriously needed to be scraped off the ceiling. No matter how much I would tell myself not to get too excited, I would find myself planning the next year of my life with a little one in tow. I can still clearly remember myself pacing the room as I spoke with our counselor, getting all the information. My hands were shaking, my heart pounding, and thoughts were racing through my head. It really doesn't matter whether you physically become pregnant or you are matched with a child, that initial excitement, jitters, and feelings of your stomach lifting up into your chest is such an incredible high.

Adoption anxiety // Morning sickness and cravings -- Stephanie

When we were waiting to hear from our agency about a potential match, I experienced some serious anxiety. It was so bad I could feel it in my throat. Have you ever experienced that kind of anxiety? It's the kind that makes you feel like your heart could just explode at any second. The kind that makes it nearly impossible to eat anything. The kind that makes your mind race, your stomach turn, your heart beat way too fast. It doesn't feel good at all. While I've never experienced morning sickness or pregnancy cravings, and I'm sure they're probably a bit worse than the anxiety I felt, it was still a very physical pain that I couldn't control. I've never been that much of a ball of nerves in my entire life! The only relief for me was finally hearing from our agency. Even though it wasn't the news we wanted to hear, it was still a relief to have an answer, to have a clearer picture for our future. As for cravings and morning sickness, sometimes the only relief is getting past a certain point in the pregnancy or delivering that baby. In both adoption and pregnancy, I'm sure all of us future-parents would agree: the physical pain that can accompany the waiting (or baby growing) is just plane lame, but in the end, worth it! More on that later, though.

Meeting the birth parents // Your first ultrasound -- Lisa

I would compare a match meeting (meeting the birth parent(s)) to going in for an ultrasound. In fact, sometimes this may be a time that you get to see an ultrasound picture. This is the point when everything becomes real. Just like I'm sure it can be hard to believe you are pregnant before showing and before hearing that little heartbeat, I feel like a match doesn't really feel like it's actually happening until there is a face to the name on all that paperwork. It's so easy in adoption to start to envision the worst case scenario. "Maybe they won't like us when they actually meet us. What if I say the wrong thing and everything goes horribly wrong? What if they change their minds and we lose the possibility of bringing home our little one? What if the situation is scarier either medically or through circumstances than we expected?" Those are just a few of the millions of fears that have danced through my head before a match meeting. 

BUT just like that moment of hearing a healthy heartbeat, a successful match meeting brings all that excitement back again. For me, these experiences have been love at first sight. Just hearing about the baby through the initial presentation of information brings about that automatic mother's love in me. I have also experienced a similar feeling in my relationship with the birth parents. We have been blessed to really connect with the birth parents we have been matched with, especially Nate's birthmom. I feel like we have that common bond of a mother's love, and as a woman I feel like we can truly appreciate the incredible gift and sacrifice this woman is making. For us, match meetings have been very positive experiences that have eased our fears and connected us to our child in a very special way, very much like an ultrasound would in a pregnancy.

Grief in adoption // Grief in pregnancy -- Lisa

One thing that I never really thought about going into adoption was the potential of a loss. Yes, I knew that an adoption could fall through, but I figured that chances of it happening were pretty slim. Unfortunately, that's not the case. In adoption, there can be several different instances in which we experience loss, whether it is through not being chosen by a birth parent or a birth parent choosing to parent. 

Stephanie and I were a bit hesitant on how to approach the topic of loss since it is such an emotional and personal experience. Sadly, we can experience losses through both pregnancy and adoption. Those losses are unique, but they are losses. Most if not all mothers, no matter how they are expecting, fear these losses. For me, it was my absolute worst fear, to experience what our agency calls a "change of heart" in which the birth parents choose to parent their child. Even though we do not experience the physical presence of our child in the womb, there is immediately an emotional presence. No matter how much an agency does to prepare you, a loss still hits you like a brick. 

Unfortunately, I feel like many of these losses through miscarriage or adoption loss still aren't really talked about. For me, I felt like it was very much a silent struggle. I felt like I could be upset, but shouldn't be for very long. I don't want to directly compare a pregnancy loss to an adoption loss because each is unique for every person and situation. I just think it's important that we recognize the gravity of these losses. These children are imprinted on our hearts whether we knew them only in our hearts, carried them for a short time, or held them in our arms. For me, I'm past the grief. It doesn't impact my love for my sweet son by any means, but I will always have a little place in my heart for that sweet little baby who was almost physically ours.

Forgetting all the pain of the adoption process // Forgetting all the pain of childbirth the moment you hold your forever baby in your arms -- Lisa

I always hear mothers talk about how they forgot about the intensity of the pain of childbirth once their child is in their arms. The love for your child just kind of takes over and wipes away the memory of the awful pain. The beautiful thing about adoption is that the same phenomenon happens. No, you don't entirely forget the pain of the wait (and don't particularly look forward to it again in the future), but suddenly it all was worth it. Every last tear I cried and moment of prayer begging on my knees was just a small sacrifice for this little one. The pain of not being matched, an adoption falling through, and months of not hearing a single thing immediately subsided when I laid eyes on my sweet little boy. Being with him brings me so much joy, a joy that overshadows all the pain on the road to get here. And that is why going in again for another adoption journey doesn't sound so bad. In fact, it sounds like a great idea!

Ready to take our sweet son home from the hospital! He was sooo worth it :)

We hope that after reading this post, all you adoptive or future-adoptive parents now feel as though you can reclaim some of the stuff we sometimes feel we missed out on by not being able to conceive or carry our child. And if you're a parent who only knows parenthood through conception, we hope this post has shown how our different paths to parenthood are actually alike in many ways. May we all be blessed by the joys of parenthood and always find support in one another.

Thanks to Stephanie for inviting me to join her in writing this post! It was so much fun :) Here's a little more about Stephanie. I recommend you check out her blog. Also, send up a few prayers that she is matched with her sweet little one soon! 

Stephanie is a red-headed Catholic originally from the North who now lives in Memphis, aka the South. Marrying a Southern boy will do that to ya. She and her sweet husband, John, enjoy going on trips and adventures, eating new foods, playing nerdy board games, and watching nerdy shows. They’re home study approved and waiting with a small local agency now to match with their forever baby. Check out Stephanie’s blog Blessed to Be for more details on their adventures in Catholicism, infertility, adoption, and their crazy awesome life.