Balance

For those who don't know, I'm a speech pathologist at a school for kids with special needs. I love my job, and it's what keeps me busy from thinking about wanting a baby every second of the day. It has given me the chance to "be a mom" while waiting for God to bless me with my own kids. This school year has been a little different than usual. I had always planned to work part time (or not at all, if possible) once we had kids. So last spring when we were in a match, I talked with my supervisor and planned to work part time starting in the fall (this academic year). When the adoption fell through, Dan and I decided that I would continue with my plan to work part time this year in hopes that we would be blessed with a baby soon.

We have received a few calls, but unfortunately we have yet to bring home a baby. At first, it felt very awkward working only half the work week. On my days off, I felt guilty staying home as Dan left in the morning. After a few months, though, I started to realize that I'm significantly less stressed, enjoy my job more, and have more time for myself and my husband. Sure, I was able to get everything I needed to done when I worked full time, but now I'm finding myself enjoying everything more. This time at home is giving me the opportunity to really enjoy spending time with my husband, making dinner, doing laundry, and all the little things around the house. Even cleaning bathrooms sometimes brings me a sense of satisfaction. Don't get me wrong, it still takes me a big push to get moving and do the chores- the couch is often calling my name. But I have most certainly been affirmed in my calling to be a wife and someday mother. Serving my family is bringing me so much joy and fulfillment.

So this change, although scary at first has brought me exactly what I didn't realize I've needed for a long time... balance. I'm still putting my education to use and helping provide for our family by working, but at the same time I feel like I can really enjoy everything else as well. So as much as I am dying for a change (ahem, a baby) I have learned that God is taking this time to show me the beauty of the life I am living right now. I can choose to be happy and find fulfillment in my calling right now, or sit around and be miserable all the time. So I'm choosing to enjoy this time and just be miserable some of the time. I'd be kidding myself if I said I was never feeling discouraged, but what used to be days that would leave me down in the dumps has turned into little moments that pass just as quickly as they came. I have so much to be grateful for. I just needed a little time- time to heal wounds, time with the ones I love, and time for change.