Little Happies, Two

1) On Saturday we had our first visit since the hospital with Nathan's birth mother. We are so blessed to have such a wonderful relationship with her, and I am so glad that Nathan will have her in his life. It was such a nice day, and I left with my heart bursting with joy and feeling so grateful. We seriously could not have dreamed up a better adoption.

2) Spring break! I'm on spring break this week, and boy does it feel good to know that when I wake up my only job is to take care of my little man. We declared today to be a jammy day. We lasted until about 6pm when I realized I was going to have to run to the store later and still hadn't showered. And then Nate spit up all over himself. We almost made it all day.

3) Soft pretzels with nacho cheese- Yea, I know. These aren't even remotely healthy, but this has been my go to snack the past few weeks. I love my late night snacks.

4) Naps. I love to sleep. I love taking a late afternoon nap while Nathan is napping. I could be productive and get something done, but I can't resist snuggling up in a fluffy blanket on the couch.

5) I had a terrible cold last week- definitely not one of my happies. On Tuesday I could barely function. My mom came over bright and early and stayed the whole day, taking care of Nathan all day for me. I was able to sleep in and keep my distance from my little guy so that he wouldn't get sick. I'm so grateful to my mom for helping out that day. Knowing that we have family nearby who are willing to help whenever we need it- definitely one of my happies.

6) My youngest brother, Mark, is home from college for spring break. We had a family party yesterday, which was a lot of fun. It's so nice when our whole family is together. Over the past several years, there is often someone missing due to one of us being away at school. So these breaks are always nice to spend time as a family. And Nathan sure loves seeing his uncles.

Thanks to Stephanie for hosting one of my favorite link-ups!

Important Info for Pro-lifers

Before I even begin I want to clearly point out that I have started to and will continue to vaccinate my children with every recommended vaccine. 

I couldn't believe it when a friend of ours who is in med school informed us that some of the most common vaccinations were derived from a strain of aborted fetal cell lines. Maybe I'm late in finding this out, but I'm finding that most people I talk to had no idea either. The common combination shot (Pentacel) for polio, DTaP, and HiB is one of these vaccinations. The polio component is the "offending component". The good news is that if you come to the doctor informed, there are other options. In our case, we were able to get the combination Pediarix shot plus a HiB shot. Unfortunately there are three more vaccinations in the future that Nate will need (MMR, chicken pox, and Hepatitis A) in which there are no alternative options. In this case, it is morally acceptable for us to vaccinate, and we will. It is just unfortunate that we are faced with these situations. For more detailed information, I suggest checking out these two sites: Ethical Childhood Immunization and FAQ on the Use of Vaccinations. I know just enough to ask for what I need at the doctor's office, so I suggest also referring to these more reputable sites for more detailed information. They are very reader friendly and informative.

As Catholics it is our responsibility to request one of the alternative options for Pentacel, and if there are no other options offered it is permissible to receive it. In fact, the articles I cited discuss the importance of immunizing our children and parents' "moral obligation to protect the life and health of their children and those around them". I was extremely nervous about talking to our doctor about it. I had called to speak with a nurse prior to going to our appointment, and she basically told me that Nathan had to receive Pentacel. I almost cried when she told me this. In her defense, I hadn't explained why I wanted my son to receive an alternative shot, but I still felt defeated. At our appointment, we explained to our doctor our concerns regarding Pentacel and asked if Nathan could get Pediarix instead. She was very receptive and immediately agreed. She also offered to look at the components in all the vaccinations he would be receiving that day to be sure nothing else was derived from the fetal cell line. I liked our doctor before, but now I loved her. And the nurse that administered his shots let us know that she set aside his future doses of Pediarix to ensure that they have it in stock for us at our future visits. I was expecting to be faced with resistance, but they were very understanding and did not question us for a minute.

If our friend hadn't informed us about these vaccinations, I never would have known. Most people I have told about it so far were in shock. So I hope that by sharing this we can spread the word. Maybe the more people that ask for other options, doctors will be forced to think twice about administering Pentacel. I also hope that some day soon the medical field provides us with more acceptable options for those vaccinations that have no alternatives at this time.

"Hey pharmaceutical companies!"

"Yea, you!"

"Let's get some vaccinations that are morally acceptable."

"Got it?"

"Good."

Little Happies 1!

Little man is finally allowing me to put him in his swing at nap time today, so I ran to my computer to get a blog post in. I absolutely love this link-up at Blessed to Be and have been wanting to join in for the past few weeks, so I'm excited to join in today. So here are some of my little happies.

1.  In general, I try to stay away from caffeine. I generally don't drink much caffeine, so when I do I tend to really feel it. I don't really like coffee that much anyways, but I do LOVE iced coffee with a shot of flavor of course. When I went back to work I found myself stopping at the golden arches for a french vanilla iced coffee and an egg white delight each morning. It made waking up and dropping off my little guy at my mom's a little easier, and quite frankly kept me awake. I decided to take a break from these little pit stops for Lent, but I have a feeling this little happy will be making another appearance around Easter.

2.

My next little happy was a delicious meal we had this weekend with Dan's family in Effingham. We went out to lunch at a new Japanese restaurant, and boy was it delicious. Just a couple years ago I wouldn't touch sushi. It grossed me out, but Dan got me to go to a Japanese restaurant with him once and I'm on board now. I wish I would have gotten a picture of the spread that we had Saturday, but all we have is a shot of my delicious Pina Colada (mmm another little happy) and me feeding one of my "biggest happies" these days.

3. Taking trips to Effingham are another little happy for me. I love relaxing with family and spending time with everyone. This weekend we also got Nathan's 3 month pics and family pictures taken. It was a lot of fun. I feel like these trips to visit family are a nice little break from any stresses we may have.

4. Spending time with friends. We had a great visit with some of our closest friends last Sunday. We hadn't all been together in a few months, so it was a much needed visit. We're are so blessed with the friends we have in our lives who we can honestly say are like family to us.

5. When I walk in the room on moments like this.

Nathan absolutely adores Dan. If he hears his voice, he will strain his neck to try and find him. If Dan and I are standing above him together, his eyes go directly to Dan's face. I don't have a chance. I can't compete with their father-son bond. And boy is my son lucky to have this guy as his daddy. 

6. One of my favorite little happies these days is resting my cheek on the side or back of Nathan's head. It just brings me such peace and joy. My heart jumps a little just typing this. LOVE

7. A clean house- Last night we came home from Effingham to a clean house. These days (and really always) that's rare. We had our final home visit for our adoption license on Friday (you have to do it every 6 months to keep your license active), so we had to pick up a bit. There's nothing like coming home to a cleared kitchen table and not tripping over blankets, toys, and clothes on the family room floor. 

Those are my little happies for the week! Thanks to Stephanie for hosting! 

PS- To all the adoptive families just finishing up their first home study process, I guarantee you will never clean your house as well as you had it for that first licensing home visit. I took off a day of work to clean the first time around. Never again... we're lucky if we remembered to pick up for the last couple!

5 out of 7...

Not too bad... I didn't quite make it with the 7 posts in 7 days, but I think 5 out of 7 with a 2 month old isn't bad :) He is currently asleep in my arms so today a few pictures will have to do.

Someone got to play in his jumpy for the first time today and seems to like it.

He's getting pretty strong. Tummy time is a breeze :) I just love how he looks like such a peanut in this picture!

Hanging out with Uncle Marky. 

And just hanging out with mommy. 

I may not have made it to 7 posts in 7 days, but it served its purpose of reminding me to blog and how much I enjoy it. So hopefully I'll be on here a bit more than once every couple weeks now :)

He cried because...

Have you ever seen those posts with the cute pictures of kids crying and the ridiculous reasons why? For some reason I think those are just hilarious. I don't take many pictures of Nate crying because I feel cruel stopping for a picture when he's screaming (although I still found quite a few). But really right now those pictures can't capture the hilarity of some of the ridiculous reasons he is crying just yet. I figured I'd still share some of the things our little drama king cries about these days.

10. It's 5pm. And if it's a partying kind of day, he will go with the saying "It's 5 o'clock somewhere"

9. His bath is over (coming from the same child who absolutely hated bath time for the first month of his life).

8. He can't fit both hands in his mouth at the same time.

7. He's kicking his legs like crazy, but he's not crawling.

6. My own meal is hot and ready to eat (seriously almost every time!)

5. He's hungry.

4. We are trying to feed him.

3. We stopped feeding him to burp him.

2. I talked to him while feeding him.

1. I sat down. This is without a doubt the number one reason he cries! When held he has a very strong preference for us standing. If he's cranky, do not sit down. I repeat do NOT sit down. He will start screaming, and you will have to start the calming process all over again.

I can only imagine how much more ridiculous his dramatic moments are going to get as he gets older and can actually talk.

Don't worry Nate, we still love you Cranky Pants :)

Taking a Bite of the Reality Sandwich

I'm not going to lie, coming into this whole parenting thing I was wearing rose colored glasses. I heard over and over again that it was going to be one of the hardest things that I would ever do. I believed it to some extent, but at the same time I downplayed how hard it would be in my mind. After going through so much to get here, I was convinced that my overwhelming happiness and love for my son would conquer all. After all we had been through we were going to appreciate it all more. It would take me that much longer to get frustrated or need a break. Guess what? I was wrong. I forgot that I'm human. Don't get me wrong, the day we welcomed Nathan into this world and into our family is one of the happiest I will ever experience. But it was also overwhelming, nerve-wracking, and completely exhausting. By the end of the day I was staring at my son, but all I could think about was how hungry and tired I was and that my darn headache just wouldn't subside. I needed a break, and it was only day one. Was I a bad mom for being okay with leaving my baby to sleep for the night? Wasn't it supposed to kill me to have to deal with separation already after waiting for so long? The simple answer is no! (and it's still hard for me to admit that). I had gone through one of the most tiring and overwhelming days of my life. I needed a break to be a good mom to my son the next day. And sure enough, the very next day I felt refreshed and ready to love on my son.

This feeling is something I struggle with a lot. I feel like as someone who has struggled with infertility and a very long road to my child through adoption, I am supposed to be constantly grateful for this blessing. My prayers were answered, so I need to appreciate it. I've heard other bloggers in similar situations reflect on some of these feelings. I now get what they were saying. I feel like I'm in limbo now. I can relate with others on the struggle through infertility, but I'm also incredibly joyful as I finally get to experience being a mommy. Then I also feel guilty when things get hard and I just want to complain. I'm finally realizing that I'm human. When my son cries every night and refuses to eat, I'm going to get frustrated. I'm going to need a break. It's okay to take a trip to Target and leave him with his daddy because I need to get away for a little bit. It's okay for me to enjoy having a chance to sit and eat a hot lunch at work and have the option to use two hands and take my time. In fact, it's okay that I'm enjoying my time at work. It's okay for me to sleep in on Saturday morning when my wonderful husband is taking care of Nathan.

I think it's so easy to be hard on myself for not being thankful 100% of the time and not enjoying every last second with the child I've prayed so hard for. But guess what- being a parent isn't all sunshine and rainbows every moment of every day! Especially these first few months. So I guess my point is if you find yourself in the same boat, give yourself a break. It's only human to get frustrated and need time to yourself. It doesn't make you any less of a loving mother. I hear it all the time- you need to take care of yourself in order to be able to take care of your family. It's so very true. I am a better mother when I admit I need help, when I share my frustrations and worries with others, and when I give myself a break. Going through infertility and this super long wait most certainly makes me incredibly grateful for this beautiful gift, but it doesn't make me supermom. I'm not immune to frustration, uncertainty, and exhaustion. I'm only human. So if you are anything like me, give yourself a break. I'm trying to do the same.

P.S. Colic stinks! Prayers and any secret tips are welcome!

Learning to Give up the Worry

I'm a worrier. It's no secret. One of my biggest fears since high school was that I wouldn't be able to have kids. I feared infertility for years without any real reason to even think about it. I never had any reason to worry (even though I now know my body is a mess). As far as I knew everything was fine, but the desire for kids was so strong that it still became a fear. I may not have known what I wanted to do with my life, but I knew that I wanted to get married and have kids. 

Somehow when we got married, that fear melted away. I was confident that we'd get pregnant quickly. As months and then years passed by, my fear was suddenly coming true. Once we knew that becoming pregnant would be difficult, by the grace of God I quickly moved on. We were ready to start our family, and adoption was suddenly our calling. There really was never a question or a doubt about it. Somehow we just knew that God was tugging on our hearts to start our family in this beautiful way. 

Suddenly a new fear came into play. What if we had to wait for a long time? What if a birth family changed their minds last minute and we had to experience that dreaded change of heart? Surely that would never happen to us. We had already gone through enough, but what if? Well, yet again my fears were coming true, some of my biggest, heart dropping into my stomach fears were coming true. I kept saying that I just couldn't handle much more. But guess what- God said, yes you can. He gave me strength that just a few years ago I would have never believed I had. Sure, there were days that I felt like my hope was just holding on by a thread, but there was always hope. There was always fear too, but at the end of the day my hope always won.

So what am I getting at here? Well you see, the other day I was sitting staring at this gorgeous little man... 

and I realized that I've lived and survived my biggest fear. He is ultimately the result of my biggest fear. If Dan and I had been able to get pregnant right away, we never would have been blessed with THIS sweet, joyful soul. I never would have gotten to kiss the back of his soft, chubby neck or rock his little cranky self to sleep. I wouldn't have felt my heart explode with joy as he smiled and cooed at me. And I wouldn't hear him scream out "mom" while crying- that's right he's a genius ;) He says mom all the time when he's crying (and yes I'm fully aware as a speech pathologist that this is not really his first word since he has no idea what he's saying- but it's still adorable). You see, if I hadn't lived my fear of infertility and my fear of waiting for a baby and my fear of a failed adoption, I never would have had the chance to be this little miracle's mommy. And to think of my life without this sweet little man is unimaginable. He brings so much joy to Dan and me and to our family and friends. He is the result of my greatest fear. He has taught me that it's just not worth the worries. Worrying doesn't do anyone any good. God has a plan for my life. He brought me on a journey. Sure, it was a rough one with many obstacles and frustrations, but it brought me to Nathan, AND I survived. I discovered strength I never knew I had. I went through this incredibly rough time with my husband at my side, and we got through it in one piece. I saw the beauty and love in so many people. And I'm still hear to talk about it... with a smile :) 

So next time around, I will need to come back and read this post to remind myself that it's not worth the worries. God has a plan, and it will be beautiful. It may be difficult, but I will survive. I may fall and feel like I can't get back up, but I will have Dan there to lift me up. And when I am on my knees telling God I just can't deal with the wait any longer. He will again remind me, that "yes, you can". I will have the prayers and love of family and friends that will push me through. And through it all, I will have my little man coming along for the ride.