One Step Forward

For several months now we have been asking our agency to approve us to expand our adoption preferences to include children of other races besides our own. What we thought would be a quick change became a big ordeal, including a lot of tears and frustration (mostly on my part). This was a decision that we never took lightly, and we felt like that is the way we were being treated. They made us feel like we were making rash decisions because we were becoming impatient with the wait, which is not the case. I just needed time to see that this was the right choice for us.

Since day one, Dan was always open to adopting a child of another race. I was hesitant. That hesitation was mostly just out of fear, out of the unknown. Adoption is a lot to take in at first. First, you have to get past the idea of the possibility of never being pregnant and not having a child that looks like you or your spouse. Then you have to embrace the idea of including birth parents in your life (as we are working with an agency that promotes open adoptions). So our decision to move forward with our preferences to include Caucasian only was done purely out of fear of the unknown and the overwhelming experience of entering the adoption world.

There was not a day that went by in the past year that I haven't questioned our original decision to move forward "Caucasian only". I prayed a lot about it, and kept coming to the conclusion that we were moving in the right direction. BUT the tug at my heart just never went away. It kept coming back. A wise friend of mine (my dear friend and spiritual director from college, Sr. Sarah) told me that many times those things that keep tugging at our hearts are God's little push. Those tugs were prayers being answered. I didn't necessarily need a big "sign". (That was the main idea of it, but she worded it much better!). Finally, one day we got a message from another wonderful friend, the priest who married us. He asked us if we would ever considering adopting from the Philippines (where he is from and lives currently). We knew it wasn't a possibility this time around, as that's a whole other process. But we did not hesitate in saying "yes!", we would definitely consider it in the future. And that sealed the deal. We knew at that moment that there was no reason for us to remain "Caucasian only". God is going to bless us with the child that is ours, no matter what his or her cultural background. And He will equip us with the tools we need to be the best support we can be for our children.

So with a lot of excitement and relief, we called the agency to make our change. Long story short, everything quickly came to a screeching halt. We were told we weren't prepared and needed to do some more work to prepare ourselves for the possibility of raising a child of a culture different from our own. We were frustrated and angry, but we did the work. And I hate to admit it, but I do think to some extent they were right. We did have some work to do. We have learned a lot by talking to people who have adopted transracially, and we have reconnected and strengthened some friendships. I feel like we have come out of this stronger and better prepared for the realities of the difficulties that may arise raising a child of another race. Now I am most certainly not saying that I 100% agree with our agency giving us such a hard time about this and forcing us to jump through even more hoops. (Maybe I'm still being a bit stubborn about it). I believe that we do need an open mind and recognize things that may come up in the future, but I also feel like as a parent you learn as you  go. You learn about your own child and his/her temperament. Every child is going to be different, and the way that we approach parenting is going to differ somewhat based on each individual child's needs. I think we need to be open to reaching out to others for help and have some of those supports in place, but I don't think we need all the answers this second. So you can see how this experience has been a bit frustrating.

But at the end of the day, what matters is that yesterday they approved us!

Excuse us while we do a little celebration dance!

It is such a huge weight lifted from my shoulders. I feel like it is in God's hands now. I know that He will bless our family with the little one that is meant to join us.

On a completely unrelated note, we just saw a double rainbow outside! It's hard to see in the picture, but it's there.

Introducing our prayer altar (finally)

So way back in December I wrote a post about Family Prayer. I had these high hopes of putting together our own prayer altar once the nativity came down after Christmas. Well, I'm only about 6 months behind... but it's done! Here is our prayer altar!

 

We put some of our favorite items on top, along with some prayer cards, prayer books, and rosaries. The bottom shelf is still a bit of a mess, but for now it is serving as storage for the rest of our prayer materials. I still need a picture frame for that image of the Blessed Sacrament too!

The rest of the pictures are of the items on top of our altar. 

 We bought this stained glass image at the shrine of Our Lady of Good Help. Love it!

Dan's parents gave us this gorgeous cross for our wedding.

 He has his five-fold scapular draped across it.

This is the St. Michael the Archangel statue and prayer I gave Dan for Christmas this year. 

It's another one of our favorites. 

So the altar is still a bit of a work in progress, but at least I can say we have one now. It only took me 6 months to get to! Now we just need to start using it more. My hope is that we share many family rosaries around our prayer altar. I will be the first to admit that my prayer life hasn't been the greatest lately. So it's time for me to give myself an extra little push and put this prayer altar to use!

We Are Not Alone

So I was reminded today that Dan and I are in fact, not in this adoption thing alone. Our family and friends have our back and are always looking out for us. Now of course I know this deep down, but it's super easy to get caught up in the "woe is me" mode sometimes and feel like the weight of the world is on my  our shoulders. We have heard from numerous family and friends about some potential adoptive situations that have come up in the past few days. We are looking into it (which is nearly impossible to do when it seems that a million other adoptive families have the same idea, ha!) But that is not the point of this post. I just simply wanted to say that we have an awesome family, friends, friends of friends, acquaintances, and some pretty much complete strangers! It feels incredible to know that we have so many people who want to help. So thank you! We love your help. No information or lead to a potential adoptive situation is too crazy or too small to bring to us. Please continue to let us know when you hear of anything, anything at all! We don't care if 10 people tell us the same thing. We are thrilled to even have that many people trying to help :) It is days like today that I'm pretty sure God is reminding me that He has my back.

Our Lady of Good Help!

Ever since the shrine of Our Lady of Good Help became the first and only approved Marian apparition site in the U.S. in 2010, I have been telling myself that I have to get there. It's actually pretty sad that it has taken us this long to make the trip, since it's practically in our backyard (just a 4.5 hour trip to Wisconsin, totally do-able!) So this week, we both had some time off and decided it's about time we get ourselves there. And boy did I need it! This trip could not have happened at a better time. I feel like I have been living in a whirlwind the past few weeks, with the school year ending, Dan out of town for work, and the never-ending anxieties that come along with this adoption wait. My anxiety was seriously through the roof, worse than it has been in years. I felt sick for several days straight, it was a battle to even make it through mass. And to top it all off, this week marks a year since baby girl was born and the "change of heart". I try not to think about it, but it still creeps in when I'm asking God "Why?" to this crazy journey we're on. Anyways, the point is I DESPERATELY needed peace.

So Dan and I made a trip to "the middle of nowhere, Wisconsin" to visit the shrine of Our Lady of Good Help on Monday and Tuesday. No joke, it is seriously in the middle of farmland. There is a small sign where you exit on the interstate and one more at the last turn onto the country road that leads to the shrine. The simplicity of it all is so beautiful, so fitting for Our Lady. Now my plan was to have tons of pictures to share, but a) You truly just have to be there to experience the beauty and peace, and b) I never really got around to taking many pictures.

When we got there, I made a B line to the crypt, the exact location of the apparition. By the way, it's pretty incredible how they know this exact location. We bought the DVD and learned all about it :) She appeared to Adele Brise between two trees. When renovating the church to build the current one, they discovered the stumps of the two trees under the altar. And so, the crypt contains a beautiful statue of Mary surrounded by flowers in the exact location that she appeared. Amazing! The crypt is located in the basement of the church. And that is seriously what it is, the basement of a church. No bells and whistles. It is dimly lit by the rows and rows of candles people have lit for their intentions. Like I said before, the simplicity is just so beautiful. I am now realizing that if I share every last detail of this visit, I will be here all day. So I better start to summarize. Over the two days that we visited, we had the opportunity to celebrate Mass, confession, do the Stations of the Cross, and do a couple walking rosaries on their grounds. We left all of our written intentions (along with yours) in the church, which will remain there for a year and prayed for each of these intentions in the crypt as well. We were given a blessing by one of the priests who sat by the checkout at the gift shop, waiting for people to come by to bless. The whole place is just so Catholic (obviously) and so cool! You just immediately feel at home.

The Stations of the Cross on the property behind the church.

It is just such an amazing place! It is so peaceful, something I so desperately needed. After our first visit Monday, I immediately felt so much more peaceful and content. I could go on and on, but like I said we'd be here all day. So I will leave it at this: Go! If you can, take a trip to the shrine. You will not be disappointed. Numerous miracles have occurred at this location to people who have come to Our Lady with their intentions. None of these miracles have been investigated by the Church, but all you have to do is ask and you hear about so many that have occurred there. The priest that blessed us talked about how many miracles have occurred, and the cashier also shared with us that her grandson(I think?) was cured there. How cool is that?!?

While visiting the shrine, we stayed in Door County to make a little vacation of it. And so I leave you with some pictures from our stay.

We "hiked" a bit around Cave Point County Park near Sturgeon Bay. I use the term hiking loosely.

Also Cave Point

We went to a fish boil in Fish Creek. It was delicious!

This one is just for fun. How hilarious is this?!? We found these collectible NSYNC dolls at an antique shop on the way home. No, we didn't buy them. If they were Backstreet Boys, maybe...