One Step Forward

For several months now we have been asking our agency to approve us to expand our adoption preferences to include children of other races besides our own. What we thought would be a quick change became a big ordeal, including a lot of tears and frustration (mostly on my part). This was a decision that we never took lightly, and we felt like that is the way we were being treated. They made us feel like we were making rash decisions because we were becoming impatient with the wait, which is not the case. I just needed time to see that this was the right choice for us.

Since day one, Dan was always open to adopting a child of another race. I was hesitant. That hesitation was mostly just out of fear, out of the unknown. Adoption is a lot to take in at first. First, you have to get past the idea of the possibility of never being pregnant and not having a child that looks like you or your spouse. Then you have to embrace the idea of including birth parents in your life (as we are working with an agency that promotes open adoptions). So our decision to move forward with our preferences to include Caucasian only was done purely out of fear of the unknown and the overwhelming experience of entering the adoption world.

There was not a day that went by in the past year that I haven't questioned our original decision to move forward "Caucasian only". I prayed a lot about it, and kept coming to the conclusion that we were moving in the right direction. BUT the tug at my heart just never went away. It kept coming back. A wise friend of mine (my dear friend and spiritual director from college, Sr. Sarah) told me that many times those things that keep tugging at our hearts are God's little push. Those tugs were prayers being answered. I didn't necessarily need a big "sign". (That was the main idea of it, but she worded it much better!). Finally, one day we got a message from another wonderful friend, the priest who married us. He asked us if we would ever considering adopting from the Philippines (where he is from and lives currently). We knew it wasn't a possibility this time around, as that's a whole other process. But we did not hesitate in saying "yes!", we would definitely consider it in the future. And that sealed the deal. We knew at that moment that there was no reason for us to remain "Caucasian only". God is going to bless us with the child that is ours, no matter what his or her cultural background. And He will equip us with the tools we need to be the best support we can be for our children.

So with a lot of excitement and relief, we called the agency to make our change. Long story short, everything quickly came to a screeching halt. We were told we weren't prepared and needed to do some more work to prepare ourselves for the possibility of raising a child of a culture different from our own. We were frustrated and angry, but we did the work. And I hate to admit it, but I do think to some extent they were right. We did have some work to do. We have learned a lot by talking to people who have adopted transracially, and we have reconnected and strengthened some friendships. I feel like we have come out of this stronger and better prepared for the realities of the difficulties that may arise raising a child of another race. Now I am most certainly not saying that I 100% agree with our agency giving us such a hard time about this and forcing us to jump through even more hoops. (Maybe I'm still being a bit stubborn about it). I believe that we do need an open mind and recognize things that may come up in the future, but I also feel like as a parent you learn as you  go. You learn about your own child and his/her temperament. Every child is going to be different, and the way that we approach parenting is going to differ somewhat based on each individual child's needs. I think we need to be open to reaching out to others for help and have some of those supports in place, but I don't think we need all the answers this second. So you can see how this experience has been a bit frustrating.

But at the end of the day, what matters is that yesterday they approved us!

Excuse us while we do a little celebration dance!

It is such a huge weight lifted from my shoulders. I feel like it is in God's hands now. I know that He will bless our family with the little one that is meant to join us.

On a completely unrelated note, we just saw a double rainbow outside! It's hard to see in the picture, but it's there.