Adoption in the Media

I have come to learn that (with a few exceptions) adoption is not portrayed very well on TV. I have felt this for a while, but the other day I found a show that sealed the deal on my views on this. I was flipping through the channels, and I came across a show on TLC called Birth Moms. I of course was immediately drawn in because I often get into reality shows about things I'm going through. (I was addicted to all the wedding shows right before we got engaged too). The description just said that it followed three women who were considering an adoption plan and their journey to choosing an adoptive family. I was immediately drawn in. I was so curious to see what things looked like from their end, and I figured since it was TLC it would be a somewhat respectable portrayal. So I started watching it. I kid you not, it only took about 10 minutes before Dan insisted we change the channel. He generally doesn't care what's on the TV. I watch a lot of horrible shows too, with terrible acting and no good story lines, and he has rarely flat out told me to change the channel. That's how bad this was.

The show did follow three women considering adoption and looking at adoptive families. Other than that, it was nothing like what I had thought it would be. One of the women decided to proudly shoplift on camera, in turn having her license taken by a police officer. She then proceeded to go out to dinner with the other two women and insist on getting drinks. I'm not talking a glass of wine. I mean hard liquor. Since she didn't have her license, she contacted the police station and demanded her license be returned so that she could drink. The "mildest" woman of the three was still difficult to watch... making fun of the adoptive family profiles and pretty much calling all of them losers and boring. She didn't even bother to read the profiles. She just flipped through them quickly and made flash judgments based on a few pictures. I honestly can't remember anything about the third woman, but she was somewhere in between the other two.

Now, I'm sure there are women like this considering adoption. I'm not here to judge these women by any means. My problem with this portrayal is that it gives people the impression that every birth mother is like this, not caring for herself, the baby, or really anyone around her. They had three women on this show. Pick at least one who can give a positive representation of a birth mother. What about the women who sincerely care about the health of their babies? What about the women who read every last word of every adoptive family profile to choose the best possible family for her child? What about the women who are dealing with this incredible sense of loss to come? What about couples, who are in this together? One thing I learned in the classes we took is that there is not a "typical" birth parent. They may be teenagers, but they may also be in their 20's, 30's, and 40's. They may be married, in a relationship, or single. They may have other children. That is why I am disappointed in this show. They show none of that. For someone who has had no exposure to adoption, look at the message they got. They got the impression that birth parents are a mess and that they don't really care all that much about taking care of themselves. Bravo TLC...we didn't learn a whole lot from your show.

I am not going to share anything personal because I truly respect the birth parents we are in a match with. I just want to say one thing. They are the exact opposite of what I have seen on TV. They are wonderful, loving individuals who are making an incredibly selfless decision for the sake of their daughter. They carefully chose a family (thank goodness it was us!), and they have shown us nothing but respect. We enjoy spending time with them and hope this relationship can continue to grow in the future. The message I want to get across is that birth parents are not just what is portrayed on TV. They are smart, loving, respectful individuals.

I said at the beginning of the post that I believe there are some exceptions when it comes to TV's portrayal of adoption. Dan will make fun of me for saying this, but honestly Teen Mom is pretty good when it comes to this. Their story of Catelynn and Tyler is good. They showed them carefully choosing an adoptive family, forming a relationship with this family, and having a true respect for their daughter's adoptive parents. They showed their struggle, including their grief and loss. It's not something that just magically disappeared. They still seem to have a hard time with it, as I would imagine most people would. Catelynn and Tyler also share their reasons for an adoptive plan and why they believe it was the best decision for them. Now of course there is the usual drama that comes with an MTV show, but overall Teen Mom's portrayal of Catelynn and Tyler is one I respect. I really wish they would show more people who made an adoptive plan. Almost every teen on Teen Mom/ 16 and Pregnant chooses to parent her child. I'm not saying there is a problem with that. I just wish they would show a few more stories of those who chose adoption to give a more positive portrayal of adoption in the media.

Okay. I will step off my soapbox now.

Happy Mother's Day

A friend of mine from the Cradle posted this article today, and I loved it! I recommend taking a few minutes to read it by going to this link:


How do you define motherhood?


I am not going to sit here and lie and say that the journey to adoption is an easy one. It is certainly something that takes time to be ready for both mentally and emotionally. It is as if God is constantly molding your heart, slowly preparing it for this incredible love. It may have taken us a bit of a journey to get to this point, but I have to agree with the author to that article. Adoption is by no means a back-up plan or a second-rate choice. I am honored to have been chosen to go on this journey. I am blessed that God gave us an up-hill battle to becoming parents. Without this journey, we would not have met these incredible birth parents. We have been a witness to true unconditional selfless love between a couple and for their unborn baby girl. We have been embraced by a family who may give us the greatest gift we could ever imagine, a precious child. As we wait for her arrival, I already know that if she is placed with us, we will love her to the moon and back. Our love will be no different than if I had carried her for 9 months. Sure, we will have some catching up to do ;) But at the end of the day, we will be her mommy and daddy. 


For now, we eagerly await her arrival just like any other couple. We have her pictures on our fridge (a beautiful Mother's Day gift from the birth mother), and we have been shopping for all of the little necessities. We hope and pray that she will join our family and will feel blessed beyond our wildest dreams. I've come to realize, a pregnancy is only 9 months (yes 9 beautiful months- I'm certainly not denying that) but raising your child- that's a lifetime. It's a lifetime of being a mommy and all the hugs and kisses, sickness, temper tantrums, and giggles that go along with it. 


I'm not going to act like I'm never going to yearn to be pregnant. I think for a woman, that is nearly impossible. It's just a part of who I am. But I can honestly say, I can see how it has slowly subsided. What is more important is being a mom. As that author so beautifully described in that article:

"Maybe I will get pregnant one day, maybe I won't, but it doesn't matter to me any more. Adoption and pregnancy bring the same results: A child is welcomed into the arms of parents who have been waiting for her, expectantly and impatiently."

I couldn't say it any better myself. As we wait for baby girl, I know we will love her beyond measure, just as much as we would had she grown with us for 9 months. Love you baby girl! We hope you join our family soon!


Happy Mother's Day to all mothers and expectant mothers, whether through adoption or pregnancy. 

Match Meeting

So today was our first meeting with the birth parents. I can't even begin to tell you how wonderful they are! We are so incredibly blessed to have been chosen by such a great couple. I feel like God just keeps pouring down His blessings. AND we found out she is due two and a half weeks sooner than we had originally been told. Ah! So amazing! Please continue to keep everyone involved in your prayers.

Jitters

We got the official email today to schedule our match meeting with the birth parents. We're meeting them Monday in Indiana. I am so excited to have the opportunity to meet them! I think it will put my mind at ease, and deep down I do think we will really hit it off (I hope!). But now this is getting very real. Every time I think about it, I get a knot in my stomach. This is what we've been waiting for. I'm just so nervous. What if I say the wrong thing at the wrong time? What if I am so freaked out that I feel sick the whole time? I know deep down that I'll feel better once we get there and the meeting gets going. It's usually the time leading up to it that is the worst. Right now I can feel the tension take over my entire body. I just need to get through the next four days.... and then the rest of the next 2 months.... I  can do this...

Roller Coaster Ride

The past two weeks have most certainly been a roller coaster ride. So let me start at the beginning. Dan and I went to St. John Cantius church in Chicago for mass on Divine Mercy Sunday. They had some relics of St. Faustina. You can read more about them on Dan's blog here: St. Faustina First Class Relics The whole experience that morning was pretty awesome. First, we lit a candle at the front of the church. Most of the candles were not yet lit, so I chose one right in the middle. Dan still teases me about it- that I needed to choose the one smack dab in the middle. Then we decided to go over by the relics. I looked closely at each one, but I wasn't exactly sure if we could touch them. So looking just had to do. After mass, a line started forming and people were coming up to pray and touch the relics. There was my answer! I had to get up there again and touch the relic. And so we did.

That night I was going through the mail in the living room, and Dan was reading in the front room. He came quickly into the room asking "What's this email?" I had no clue what he was talking about. "There's an email from the Cradle about a profile request!" Talk about being caught off guard. First of all, weren't we told we'd get a call about something like this? And secondly, it was 9:00pm on a Sunday. This couldn't be for real! Thank goodness it was! So I opened the email on my computer. I started scrolling through the document page after page not really taking in anything I was looking at. It took me a few minutes to calm down and actually read what I was looking at. Baby girl, due this summer! Birth parents sound wonderful! Nothing scary on the page! It didn't take long to realize, my prayers were being answered.  Loud and Clear! I had been praying the Divine Mercy Chaplet since the beginning of Lent, touched the relic of St. Faustina earlier that day, and it was Divine Mercy Sunday. Wow! God is so good! Dan teased me saying that it had to be the fact that I chose to light that candle right in the middle earlier that day.

So the next day, we talked to our counselor to let her know we were in. We found out that our profile would be presented along with those of 5 other adoptive families. She reminded us that we likely wouldn't hear anything until at least the following Friday. Almost 2 weeks- yikes! And so the nerves began and didn't go away. We only told a few people, knowing that there was a good chance another family could be chosen. And then we just prayed hard! I checked my phone like crazy every day.

When we didn't hear this past Friday, I started to get frustrated. It was hard waking up every morning unsure if we would receive the most amazing news or if we would be back to square one. I was in a crummy mood most of Saturday, even at our dinner out to Rock Bottom. That changed quickly though because I have just about the best husband ever, who said just about every right thing to me. I was then reminded how much of a gift this child would be if we were in fact matched and also of how incredibly difficult it must be for the birth parents to make such a huge decision. So I finally reached a sense of peace.

Yesterday was the first morning I woke up without butterflies in my stomach. I had a meeting first thing in the morning. I got back to my office with a voice mail on my phone. I had gotten a message from a counselor (not our usual one) at the Cradle saying she wanted to talk to me about our case and to call before she went into a meeting at 9:30. And... it was 9:30 on the dot. I tried anyways, but no answer. I had no clue what the answer could possibly be. If it had been our counselor that left the message, I'd be able to tell from her voice. So of course I started trying to analyze everything. Was she a birth parent counselor? If so, maybe she was these birth parents' counselor. Nope... adoptive parent counselor. I called Dan. He hadn't gotten a call at all. And my analyzing had to stop. There was absolutely nothing I could do. Those poor kids that I worked with for the next 2 hours... my mind just wasn't there. Then, right after finishing therapy with the last student of the morning, my phone rang. It was a Cradle phone number!

We're in a match!!!! It was my counselor, who was just returning to the office that day. I have never been so relieved in my life! So I jumped up and down with Kathy, who had been in the room and overheard me talking. And I called Dan right away! Wooooo hoooo! We are so excited!

One funny thing that happened- I called both of my parents right away. I couldn't get ahold of my mom- she was serving lunches at work, but I was able to get ahold of my dad right away. I asked him not to tell my mom until I talked to her. I got ahold of her about a half hour later. Well apparently, neither one of them realized I had talked to the other yet. My dad was off of work, so when my mom got home, they just sat around and talked about their days as if it were any other day. My mom texted me after a while to let me know my dad was home that day if I wanted to talk to him. I texted back to tell her that he already knew. They had just spent all that time pretending neither one of them knew a thing. Talk about being ready to jump out of your skin!

My mom also told me later about something cool that had happened to her at work. She often prays for the intercession of St. Therese. Just before she talked to me, one of her co-workers said she smelled roses and said "St. Therese!".  Flowers had recently been brought to them (not roses), but this woman had not seen them yet. Just shortly after, my mom got my call. More answered prayers!

Today I have finally come back to earth. We are going to meet the birth family next week. I'm really looking forward to it. They sound really great based on the little information we have gotten so far. Of course, we are trying to remember that there are no guarantees. Nothing is final until papers are signed after baby girl is born. So please pray for the birth parents, baby girl, and us as we prepare for her arrival. God is so good :)