I have come to learn that (with a few exceptions) adoption is not portrayed very well on TV. I have felt this for a while, but the other day I found a show that sealed the deal on my views on this. I was flipping through the channels, and I came across a show on TLC called Birth Moms. I of course was immediately drawn in because I often get into reality shows about things I'm going through. (I was addicted to all the wedding shows right before we got engaged too). The description just said that it followed three women who were considering an adoption plan and their journey to choosing an adoptive family. I was immediately drawn in. I was so curious to see what things looked like from their end, and I figured since it was TLC it would be a somewhat respectable portrayal. So I started watching it. I kid you not, it only took about 10 minutes before Dan insisted we change the channel. He generally doesn't care what's on the TV. I watch a lot of horrible shows too, with terrible acting and no good story lines, and he has rarely flat out told me to change the channel. That's how bad this was.
The show did follow three women considering adoption and looking at adoptive families. Other than that, it was nothing like what I had thought it would be. One of the women decided to proudly shoplift on camera, in turn having her license taken by a police officer. She then proceeded to go out to dinner with the other two women and insist on getting drinks. I'm not talking a glass of wine. I mean hard liquor. Since she didn't have her license, she contacted the police station and demanded her license be returned so that she could drink. The "mildest" woman of the three was still difficult to watch... making fun of the adoptive family profiles and pretty much calling all of them losers and boring. She didn't even bother to read the profiles. She just flipped through them quickly and made flash judgments based on a few pictures. I honestly can't remember anything about the third woman, but she was somewhere in between the other two.
Now, I'm sure there are women like this considering adoption. I'm not here to judge these women by any means. My problem with this portrayal is that it gives people the impression that every birth mother is like this, not caring for herself, the baby, or really anyone around her. They had three women on this show. Pick at least one who can give a positive representation of a birth mother. What about the women who sincerely care about the health of their babies? What about the women who read every last word of every adoptive family profile to choose the best possible family for her child? What about the women who are dealing with this incredible sense of loss to come? What about couples, who are in this together? One thing I learned in the classes we took is that there is not a "typical" birth parent. They may be teenagers, but they may also be in their 20's, 30's, and 40's. They may be married, in a relationship, or single. They may have other children. That is why I am disappointed in this show. They show none of that. For someone who has had no exposure to adoption, look at the message they got. They got the impression that birth parents are a mess and that they don't really care all that much about taking care of themselves. Bravo TLC...we didn't learn a whole lot from your show.
I am not going to share anything personal because I truly respect the birth parents we are in a match with. I just want to say one thing. They are the exact opposite of what I have seen on TV. They are wonderful, loving individuals who are making an incredibly selfless decision for the sake of their daughter. They carefully chose a family (thank goodness it was us!), and they have shown us nothing but respect. We enjoy spending time with them and hope this relationship can continue to grow in the future. The message I want to get across is that birth parents are not just what is portrayed on TV. They are smart, loving, respectful individuals.
I said at the beginning of the post that I believe there are some exceptions when it comes to TV's portrayal of adoption. Dan will make fun of me for saying this, but honestly Teen Mom is pretty good when it comes to this. Their story of Catelynn and Tyler is good. They showed them carefully choosing an adoptive family, forming a relationship with this family, and having a true respect for their daughter's adoptive parents. They showed their struggle, including their grief and loss. It's not something that just magically disappeared. They still seem to have a hard time with it, as I would imagine most people would. Catelynn and Tyler also share their reasons for an adoptive plan and why they believe it was the best decision for them. Now of course there is the usual drama that comes with an MTV show, but overall Teen Mom's portrayal of Catelynn and Tyler is one I respect. I really wish they would show more people who made an adoptive plan. Almost every teen on Teen Mom/ 16 and Pregnant chooses to parent her child. I'm not saying there is a problem with that. I just wish they would show a few more stories of those who chose adoption to give a more positive portrayal of adoption in the media.
Okay. I will step off my soapbox now.
No comments:
Post a Comment