He cried because...

Have you ever seen those posts with the cute pictures of kids crying and the ridiculous reasons why? For some reason I think those are just hilarious. I don't take many pictures of Nate crying because I feel cruel stopping for a picture when he's screaming (although I still found quite a few). But really right now those pictures can't capture the hilarity of some of the ridiculous reasons he is crying just yet. I figured I'd still share some of the things our little drama king cries about these days.

10. It's 5pm. And if it's a partying kind of day, he will go with the saying "It's 5 o'clock somewhere"

9. His bath is over (coming from the same child who absolutely hated bath time for the first month of his life).

8. He can't fit both hands in his mouth at the same time.

7. He's kicking his legs like crazy, but he's not crawling.

6. My own meal is hot and ready to eat (seriously almost every time!)

5. He's hungry.

4. We are trying to feed him.

3. We stopped feeding him to burp him.

2. I talked to him while feeding him.

1. I sat down. This is without a doubt the number one reason he cries! When held he has a very strong preference for us standing. If he's cranky, do not sit down. I repeat do NOT sit down. He will start screaming, and you will have to start the calming process all over again.

I can only imagine how much more ridiculous his dramatic moments are going to get as he gets older and can actually talk.

Don't worry Nate, we still love you Cranky Pants :)

Taking a Bite of the Reality Sandwich

I'm not going to lie, coming into this whole parenting thing I was wearing rose colored glasses. I heard over and over again that it was going to be one of the hardest things that I would ever do. I believed it to some extent, but at the same time I downplayed how hard it would be in my mind. After going through so much to get here, I was convinced that my overwhelming happiness and love for my son would conquer all. After all we had been through we were going to appreciate it all more. It would take me that much longer to get frustrated or need a break. Guess what? I was wrong. I forgot that I'm human. Don't get me wrong, the day we welcomed Nathan into this world and into our family is one of the happiest I will ever experience. But it was also overwhelming, nerve-wracking, and completely exhausting. By the end of the day I was staring at my son, but all I could think about was how hungry and tired I was and that my darn headache just wouldn't subside. I needed a break, and it was only day one. Was I a bad mom for being okay with leaving my baby to sleep for the night? Wasn't it supposed to kill me to have to deal with separation already after waiting for so long? The simple answer is no! (and it's still hard for me to admit that). I had gone through one of the most tiring and overwhelming days of my life. I needed a break to be a good mom to my son the next day. And sure enough, the very next day I felt refreshed and ready to love on my son.

This feeling is something I struggle with a lot. I feel like as someone who has struggled with infertility and a very long road to my child through adoption, I am supposed to be constantly grateful for this blessing. My prayers were answered, so I need to appreciate it. I've heard other bloggers in similar situations reflect on some of these feelings. I now get what they were saying. I feel like I'm in limbo now. I can relate with others on the struggle through infertility, but I'm also incredibly joyful as I finally get to experience being a mommy. Then I also feel guilty when things get hard and I just want to complain. I'm finally realizing that I'm human. When my son cries every night and refuses to eat, I'm going to get frustrated. I'm going to need a break. It's okay to take a trip to Target and leave him with his daddy because I need to get away for a little bit. It's okay for me to enjoy having a chance to sit and eat a hot lunch at work and have the option to use two hands and take my time. In fact, it's okay that I'm enjoying my time at work. It's okay for me to sleep in on Saturday morning when my wonderful husband is taking care of Nathan.

I think it's so easy to be hard on myself for not being thankful 100% of the time and not enjoying every last second with the child I've prayed so hard for. But guess what- being a parent isn't all sunshine and rainbows every moment of every day! Especially these first few months. So I guess my point is if you find yourself in the same boat, give yourself a break. It's only human to get frustrated and need time to yourself. It doesn't make you any less of a loving mother. I hear it all the time- you need to take care of yourself in order to be able to take care of your family. It's so very true. I am a better mother when I admit I need help, when I share my frustrations and worries with others, and when I give myself a break. Going through infertility and this super long wait most certainly makes me incredibly grateful for this beautiful gift, but it doesn't make me supermom. I'm not immune to frustration, uncertainty, and exhaustion. I'm only human. So if you are anything like me, give yourself a break. I'm trying to do the same.

P.S. Colic stinks! Prayers and any secret tips are welcome!

Learning to Give up the Worry

I'm a worrier. It's no secret. One of my biggest fears since high school was that I wouldn't be able to have kids. I feared infertility for years without any real reason to even think about it. I never had any reason to worry (even though I now know my body is a mess). As far as I knew everything was fine, but the desire for kids was so strong that it still became a fear. I may not have known what I wanted to do with my life, but I knew that I wanted to get married and have kids. 

Somehow when we got married, that fear melted away. I was confident that we'd get pregnant quickly. As months and then years passed by, my fear was suddenly coming true. Once we knew that becoming pregnant would be difficult, by the grace of God I quickly moved on. We were ready to start our family, and adoption was suddenly our calling. There really was never a question or a doubt about it. Somehow we just knew that God was tugging on our hearts to start our family in this beautiful way. 

Suddenly a new fear came into play. What if we had to wait for a long time? What if a birth family changed their minds last minute and we had to experience that dreaded change of heart? Surely that would never happen to us. We had already gone through enough, but what if? Well, yet again my fears were coming true, some of my biggest, heart dropping into my stomach fears were coming true. I kept saying that I just couldn't handle much more. But guess what- God said, yes you can. He gave me strength that just a few years ago I would have never believed I had. Sure, there were days that I felt like my hope was just holding on by a thread, but there was always hope. There was always fear too, but at the end of the day my hope always won.

So what am I getting at here? Well you see, the other day I was sitting staring at this gorgeous little man... 

and I realized that I've lived and survived my biggest fear. He is ultimately the result of my biggest fear. If Dan and I had been able to get pregnant right away, we never would have been blessed with THIS sweet, joyful soul. I never would have gotten to kiss the back of his soft, chubby neck or rock his little cranky self to sleep. I wouldn't have felt my heart explode with joy as he smiled and cooed at me. And I wouldn't hear him scream out "mom" while crying- that's right he's a genius ;) He says mom all the time when he's crying (and yes I'm fully aware as a speech pathologist that this is not really his first word since he has no idea what he's saying- but it's still adorable). You see, if I hadn't lived my fear of infertility and my fear of waiting for a baby and my fear of a failed adoption, I never would have had the chance to be this little miracle's mommy. And to think of my life without this sweet little man is unimaginable. He brings so much joy to Dan and me and to our family and friends. He is the result of my greatest fear. He has taught me that it's just not worth the worries. Worrying doesn't do anyone any good. God has a plan for my life. He brought me on a journey. Sure, it was a rough one with many obstacles and frustrations, but it brought me to Nathan, AND I survived. I discovered strength I never knew I had. I went through this incredibly rough time with my husband at my side, and we got through it in one piece. I saw the beauty and love in so many people. And I'm still hear to talk about it... with a smile :) 

So next time around, I will need to come back and read this post to remind myself that it's not worth the worries. God has a plan, and it will be beautiful. It may be difficult, but I will survive. I may fall and feel like I can't get back up, but I will have Dan there to lift me up. And when I am on my knees telling God I just can't deal with the wait any longer. He will again remind me, that "yes, you can". I will have the prayers and love of family and friends that will push me through. And through it all, I will have my little man coming along for the ride. 

Cry Room or Playground?

I'm thinking about trying Jen's 7 posts in 7 days link-up. We'll see how this goes with a 2 month old ruling the house. There are a few posts I have been meaning to write for a week or two now and just haven't made or found the time. So we'll see what happens.

So anyways- we have been fortunate to have a fabulously behaved little guy at mass each weekend so far. Our schedule (or lack thereof) has worked out pretty nicely the past few weeks, where he has slept for pretty much all of mass. So people ooh and ah over our sweet little angel, even if he does scream quite frequently at home lately. Anyways, this Sunday our schedule didn't work out so perfectly. We were dressed and ready to go to mass at 10am, which is in fact early for us. We are usually 11:30am or 6:15pm mass goers. Nathan was due for a bottle soon, but we decided to try to go anyways. For the first time yet we walked into church with a screaming baby, banishing myself to the narthex, which is considered our cry room. Dan sat towards the back of church so I could easily slide back into the pew once I got him settled down. So I fed our little guy, and he was wonderful after that. Except, others had sat in the pew next to Dan too quickly for him to stop them, leaving little to no room for me -and Nathan still needed me to bounce him a bit. So I figured I'd just spend a little more time in the narthex, figuring I could still see and hear everything. No biggie... WRONG!

Now before I go ahead and bash cry rooms, I get it. We need a place for when our children are screaming, somewhere to either get in a quick feeding or calm a tantrum. Sometimes kids need that little time out, but I also believe that once we have calmed our children it is best to return to our pew and teach them how to participate in the mass. What I saw today was a zoo and a social hour all tied into one. The best behaved kids were the ones that actually needed the cry room. Their parents were still participating in the mass and doing their best to tend to their children all at once. But there were kids that had to be 5 or 6 running around, pushing cars, and acting like they were at a playdate rather than celebrating the mass. There were even mothers carrying on conversations as if they were supervising their kids on the playground rather than forming their children's faith. That's where I have a problem with cry rooms. They are abused. Instead of using it as a place to regroup and prepare our children to go back in and participate in the mass, it is being used as a playground. My heart just sank as I was surrounded by this chaos. I also quickly found myself passing judgement on everyone around me, which isn't good either. So once Nathan ate and was calm, I stood in the back of the church, where I could at least hear the mass and feel like more of a participant.

After today, I came up with a plan for any future Sundays that I may need to temporarily use the cry room. I really want to limit the amount of time spent back there so that Nathan can get used to being in church and so that I can be selfish and enjoy the mass myself. I know that there are going to be plenty of days as Nathan grows up that he is not going to participate in the ways we hope, and that he is going to misbehave at mass. That is just a part of raising children. But what am I teaching him if he spends every mass in the back, rolling on the floor playing with the other kids? I'm hoping that we can figure out the best ways possible to teach him to behave, participate, and to find ways to deal with moments when he needs to step out. But for now, we are going to try to have a fed and happy baby to avoid that cry room if possible!

Happy Valentine's Day!

This house is filled with a whole lot of love for one very sweet little man!

Happy Valentine's Day (a few days late)

Quick Takes: First Seven Weeks

Nathan is nearing 8 weeks- time is moving too quickly! This week my Quick Takes look at our first 7 weeks with our sweet, smiley, cuddly little blessing. We've tried to be on top of the weekly pictures, but as you can see we missed a few.

1 Week

2 Weeks

3 Weeks

4 Weeks

5 Weeks

 6 Weeks

7 Weeks

Baby Essentials

Nathan is 7 weeks old today. It's hard to believe that he is already 7 weeks old, but it is also nearly impossible for us to imagine life without him. He just fits so perfectly into our family. We have quickly learned that babies come with a lot of gear. He is slowly taking over our family room. I know everyone has their own opinions, but here are my favorite baby essentials in this house. Here is my very late Quick Takes Link-up:

1. Bright Starts Bouncer Seat: Nathan naps in this seat all the time. He gets all snuggly and snoozes away. It's the only way I can get anything done.

2. Chicco Keyfit Caddy: This stroller is perfect for a quick trip out. It's compact, lightweight, and the car seat clicks right in. I can single handedly open and close this stroller, and that says a lot because I'm ridiculously weak in the arms. Steering is smooth, and it squeezes through narrow aisles at the store. Love it! This stroller is the key to me getting out and about with this little guy because the car seat alone is ridiculously heavy, hard to carry around, and takes up a ton of space in your cart at the store. (I do like his car seat, but really it's just a car seat. I feel like they are all pretty similar.)

3. Homedics My Baby Humidifier: This recommendation is not so much for the humidifier but rather for the sound bar. The sound bar on this humidifier comes with a white noise button. Hello sleep! We used to have to rock Nate to sleep when we put him down at night. Now we put him down awake and he will just calmly lie in bed and fall asleep to the sound of the white noise. It's a beautiful thing. You can turn on the sleep timer for it to turn off after 30 min. which is really nice to not have to get out of bed again. My only complaint so far is that the humidifier does seem to get some condensation from the mist. Like I said, we like it for the sound bar, so I guess my must have here is just a sound bar with white noise.

4. O Ball Rattle: A close friend has one of these for her daughter, and I wanted it immediately when I saw it. We were lucky enough to receive it as part of a gift at our shower. It's such a simple little toy, but we love it. The rattles on it aren't too loud and obnoxious, and when Nathan can start to grip, this ball will be easy to grab. He even held onto it for a bit today.

5. Mam pacifiers: Originally I was all about the soothie pacifiers that hospitals pass out. The other day I gave the Mam pacifiers a try because we had received them as a gift, and I had finally gotten around to sanitizing them. He takes these better than any other pacifier we have tried. They don't pop out of his mouth nearly as much, and he is more likely to take it when upset than others. 

6. Halo Swaddle Sleep Sack: We are certainly believers in swaddling. Nathan does seem to sleep longer and more soundly when he is swaddled, but we had such a hard time mastering the swaddle with a blanket. We tried several different kinds of blankets, including those that were meant for swaddling. Then we were introduced to the swaddle sleep sack. It's so much easier and works like a charm. At first, Nate fought us when we tried to swaddle him with the sleep sack, and he fought hard. Now we rarely get so much as a wimper. He knows the drill. What used to be a big ordeal with lots of frustration in the middle of the night is now a 1 minute part of our routine. The white noise goes on, he gets wrapped in the sleep sack, and to bed he goes. 

7. Pampers diapers, burp rags, and zip up sleepers: These are some of the more basic items, but they get us through the day with less frustration and less messes. We tried a couple brands of diapers, and we have had the most success with Pampers. After talking to many people, it seems like everyone has a different opinion on diaper brands, but these are what we have liked best. Since changing to Pampers we haven't had any more Houdini leaks. (We had him leak through 3 times onto people without getting the actual diaper wet.) Burp rags are a must in this house. We go through several each day. He is starting to be big enough to effectively use bibs, but for a while the burp rags served as both bib and burp rag for us. Finally, zip up sleepers are a must at night. We have used both the snaps and zip ups, and the zip is much better for those middle of the night feedings. Who really wants to snap at least 10 buttons on a squirming likely screaming child in the middle of the night. I've done it, and as cute at the snap jammies are, the zip ups just make more sense.

These are just some of our favorites in this house. I don't know that it will necessarily be helpful to anyone, but I know I have always liked picking other people's brains about what is really necessary in the world of baby essentials. These are just some of our favorites because they work for us. You probably have your own list of essentials. I just thought it would be fun to document ours. Who knows if this list will even be close to the the same next time around. It seems like every baby is different.