Oh the questions...

and comments. Overall, people only have wonderful and supportive things to say to us regarding adoption. We do get a lot of questions, mostly because generally people really don't know much about adoption. Really, unless you have experienced it all firsthand and been educated on all the adoption lingo most people don't know much, and how would they unless we educate them? A few years ago, I knew nothing. So here are some basics I want to share.

• When we refer to our son's "biological mother", we refer to her as his birth mother. I'd suggest avoiding "real mother" and even "biological mother". I've only heard people refer to her as his "real mom" a couple times and I know it wasn't meant by any means to be hurtful, but that can be something that stings a bit. Because guess what, I'm as "real" as it gets. And to me "biological mother" just seems so incredibly impersonal.

My real mom? Oh, you mean the lady that kisses these adorable cheeks 1,000 times a day? Or do you mean my birth mom? 'Cause she's pretty awesome too :)

• Please never use the phrase "she gave him up for adoption". This is one that I was guilty of prior to our adoption journey. It's just much better to refer to a birth mother "placing her child for adoption/with his or her adoptive family/forever family". This phrase just sounds so much more loving. A birth mother isn't giving her child away. Rather, she is likely making one of the most difficult and loving decisions she will ever make. 

• I am very open about our adoption story and happy to share it, but please don't ask a bunch of personal questions about my child's birth family. That is his story. Once I share it, I can't take it back. That is information for him to share as he likes when he is old enough to understand it all. 

• "Was his birth mother young?" Again, please don't ask personal information about this. But don't always assume that every birth mother is a pregnant teen. Birth mothers are all unique and span across many different ages, just as adoptive parents do.

• "Why did his birth mother choose adoption?"- Seriously? Don't go there. Please never ask an adoptive family this question. To me, this is so deeply personal. I feel like it puts me in an awkward position because I don't always know how to decline the question. What I find funny is that a lot of times the question is prefaced with "you don't have to share if you don't want to" or "I don't know if I should ask this". You're right, I don't want to share this, and you really shouldn't ask this (especially if I'm really not that close with you!) All you need to know is that any mother who places her child for adoption did so out of incredible love for her child. That is all anyone needs to know. 

Don't ask that question. It's between me, my mama, and pops.

• Just because someone has adopted, does not mean the child is from another country. I can't tell you how many times I have been asked "Where is he from?" (usually when my fair skinned son is not around to show it was likely a domestic adoption). Of course, this is by no means a hurtful question. I don't mind answering it. I just feel like the person on the other end is either surprised or disappointed when I respond "central Illinois". I guess that's not quite as adventurous as Ethiopia or China. 

The Land of Lincoln? Really? You mean to tell me I'm not from Korea?

• Can't forget one of the most famous- "You'll get pregnant once you adopt". Maybe, but it won't be because we adopted. And let's face it, when you say it that way it makes it seem like adoption is a back-up or second choice. I feel BLESSED to have had my heart molded to become open to adoption. It is a calling I am passionate about, and I love my son more than I can express. For more on this topic, head over to Blessed to Be. She has a great post on the topic.

• Going along with the last point, adoption isn't necessarily the final, last resort option for a couple with infertility. Even typing that makes me uncomfortable. I hate to even put "last resort" in reference to adoption. Because it absolutely is not! The reason I am making this point though, is that so many people have opened up to me about their experiences with IVF once they find out about our adoption experience. I feel like a lot of people assume we did the same, and it really bothers me. Mostly because we completely disagree with it, and I can go on and on about how much IVF bugs me on so many levels including putting a band-aid on a problem, the mindset of being entitled to a child, and most importantly humans trying to play God. But I digress... So anyways, let the world know that pretty much the second we found out pregnancy would be difficult to achieve we jumped right into adoption. For us, it wasn't a back-up plan. It just took a little push and some time to open our hearts to this incredibly awesome way to grow our family.

Adoption rocks!

• "I could never have a relationship with my child's birth mother" or the look of horror as I tell someone that I am in contact with my son's birth mother weekly and that we have and will continue to have periodic visits with her- Now this is something I would never ever judge someone on. It's such a difficult thing to envision, especially since there are so many unknowns until you actually know who your child's birth family is (if that's even an option). It took me a while to get to where I am now on my feelings regarding openness- it is certainly a process. I just ask people to learn more about it and keep an open mind. There are so many wonderful advantages to an open relationship, especially for my son to have hopefully a little more closure in the future. I'll save this topic for another post, though. I will just say, don't knock it 'til you try it. It can be one of the most unique and wonderful relationships you will ever experience.

• Any reference to money. Yes, we all know that in many cases adoption costs a lot. It really doesn't need to be acknowledged in conversation with me about my adoption experience.

I'll let you in on a secret. Money means squat when it comes to me. Just look at me!

I think I covered the most common topics that I've come across. If you've said any of the above things to me, don't worry about it. And I hope you aren't reading this thinking "Ah, she was totally referring to me when she wrote that one" because I have heard all of these things quite frequently from many people. And that is why I wrote this post. I want to continue to educate people about adoption. 

I leave you with this funny little video about things you shouldn't say to an adoptive family. 

If you wouldn't say it...

On another note, Happy Easter!

Makes My Heart Happy

 I can't even begin to express how much I love these two cuties! God is so very good!!!

Little Happies: Joyful Pictures

I'm joining in on this week's Little Happies a little late. It's been hard to sit down at the computer lately, but I really wanted to join in this week because I love going through pictures. So here are some of my favorite pictures. Head over to Blessed to Be to check out the link-up.

-one-

In college I was very involved in the retreat program through our church. This was a shopping trip for food for one of the retreat weekends. It was my first time on team and one of my favorite experiences from college. Through this retreat program I increased my faith, met some of my best friends, and most importantly met my husband.

-two-

This was taken at one of the formals that was thrown by several members of our retreat program/church each semester. It was always a huge event for us and such a blast. It was tradition to join arms in a circle and sing/dance to "American Pie" at the end of the night. 

-three-

Kristin and I met on our first Koinonia retreat in college. We were instant friends. In fact, we realized we had so much in common that we called each other Ditto. Kristin has become one of my best friends, and I am so blessed to have her in my life. This picture was taken in the back seat of a van on our way to Mississippi for a spring break service trip. That trip was filled with so many wonderful memories and lots of laughs.

-four-

I shared an apartment with my cousin, Lindsay, for the last two years of college. We had a lot of fun together, including dance parties on the breakfast bar.

-five-

To this day, my 22nd birthday was my favorite. Dan planned an amazing night in Chicago. We went to one of our now favorite restaurants, Wildfire followed by cocktails and dessert at the Signature Lounge on the 96th floor of the Hancock building. It was such a fun night and very special for me.

-six-

This was taken at our bridal shower in Effingham. Both of our families were there, and this is one of the only pictures I have of our entire family together. We are very fortunate that our families get along very well, and my parents usually come down to stay with us at Dan's family's house once a year. We are so blessed.

-seven-

I of course have to include a picture from our wedding day. Do I really need to explain this one?

-eight-

This is still one of my favorite pictures from our wedding day. It has always felt like a sneak peek into the future of the amazing dad that Dan would become. 

-nine-

Ah...paradise. I absolutely loved our honeymoon in the Bahamas. I would love to go back there someday. It was beautiful, relaxing, and so much fun. We also got to swim with the dolphins, which is something I have always wanted to do. 

-ten-

Receiving my Masters degree in Speech Pathology was one of my proudest moments. I worked extremely hard to get there, and talk about an incredible sense of relief at graduation! And I now have a job that I love. 

-eleven-

This picture was taken at our friend's Deaconate ordination. He is now a priest. In fact, he is the priest who baptized Nathan :)

-twelve-

Carolyn (the bride) is one of my best friends. We have been friends since kindergarten. We have a very special friendship that even when we go months without seeing each other, we can always pick up right where we left off. We've been through so much together, including both of our weddings.

-thirteen-

This is one of our favorite Halloween costumes, Doug Funny and Patty Mayonnaise. We had so much fun putting these costumes together. 

-fourteen-

We love the way we celebrate New Year's. We celebrate with our closest friends at our house in our pjs and usually spend the night playing games and occasionally dancing on the Xbox Kinect. 

-fifteen-

Also taken at one of our New Year's Eve bashes, the boys playing one of their nerdy games. And yes, Dan is in a onesie. He took PJ party to the extreme. In college, the girls in our group of couples were close and we hoped that some day our future husbands would be friends as well. I'd say that this picture proves that we have succeeded.

-sixteen-

I'm so blessed to have these ladies in my life. They are my best friends and like family to me. I love their kids like they are my nieces and nephew, and I know they think of Nathan in the same way. So blessed.

-seventeen-

Our first moments with our sweet son! I still can't believe I am writing about my son- my son. Eeee! So blessed!

-eighteen-

It has been really neat watching my brothers become uncles. I knew they would love their nephew, but their love for him is so apparent all the time. They absolutely love spending time with him and I know will always look out for him.

-nineteen-

I'd like to call this picture Answered Prayers. Megan has been such an incredible support for me throughout all of our infertility and our roller coaster ride through adoption. She was there with us the night of our failed adoption, and she was one of the first to meet Nathan when we brought him home. After a long road for both of us, we have our sweet little miracles, within 10 weeks of each other! God is so good! Not to mention, Mary Claire is my very first God child, and I am so honored to play such an important role in this sweet girl's life.

-twenty-

This picture cracks me up! I didn't even realize he made this face until I loaded the pictures to the computer. Without fail, this little man makes me laugh several times a day.

-twenty-one-

I was going to do 20 pics, but I can't leave this one off. This is it, I promise. This is my absolute favorite picture of Nathan. It melts my heart every time I look at it. This little boy has brought us so much joy! Love :)

Little Happies, Two

1) On Saturday we had our first visit since the hospital with Nathan's birth mother. We are so blessed to have such a wonderful relationship with her, and I am so glad that Nathan will have her in his life. It was such a nice day, and I left with my heart bursting with joy and feeling so grateful. We seriously could not have dreamed up a better adoption.

2) Spring break! I'm on spring break this week, and boy does it feel good to know that when I wake up my only job is to take care of my little man. We declared today to be a jammy day. We lasted until about 6pm when I realized I was going to have to run to the store later and still hadn't showered. And then Nate spit up all over himself. We almost made it all day.

3) Soft pretzels with nacho cheese- Yea, I know. These aren't even remotely healthy, but this has been my go to snack the past few weeks. I love my late night snacks.

4) Naps. I love to sleep. I love taking a late afternoon nap while Nathan is napping. I could be productive and get something done, but I can't resist snuggling up in a fluffy blanket on the couch.

5) I had a terrible cold last week- definitely not one of my happies. On Tuesday I could barely function. My mom came over bright and early and stayed the whole day, taking care of Nathan all day for me. I was able to sleep in and keep my distance from my little guy so that he wouldn't get sick. I'm so grateful to my mom for helping out that day. Knowing that we have family nearby who are willing to help whenever we need it- definitely one of my happies.

6) My youngest brother, Mark, is home from college for spring break. We had a family party yesterday, which was a lot of fun. It's so nice when our whole family is together. Over the past several years, there is often someone missing due to one of us being away at school. So these breaks are always nice to spend time as a family. And Nathan sure loves seeing his uncles.

Thanks to Stephanie for hosting one of my favorite link-ups!

Important Info for Pro-lifers

Before I even begin I want to clearly point out that I have started to and will continue to vaccinate my children with every recommended vaccine. 

I couldn't believe it when a friend of ours who is in med school informed us that some of the most common vaccinations were derived from a strain of aborted fetal cell lines. Maybe I'm late in finding this out, but I'm finding that most people I talk to had no idea either. The common combination shot (Pentacel) for polio, DTaP, and HiB is one of these vaccinations. The polio component is the "offending component". The good news is that if you come to the doctor informed, there are other options. In our case, we were able to get the combination Pediarix shot plus a HiB shot. Unfortunately there are three more vaccinations in the future that Nate will need (MMR, chicken pox, and Hepatitis A) in which there are no alternative options. In this case, it is morally acceptable for us to vaccinate, and we will. It is just unfortunate that we are faced with these situations. For more detailed information, I suggest checking out these two sites: Ethical Childhood Immunization and FAQ on the Use of Vaccinations. I know just enough to ask for what I need at the doctor's office, so I suggest also referring to these more reputable sites for more detailed information. They are very reader friendly and informative.

As Catholics it is our responsibility to request one of the alternative options for Pentacel, and if there are no other options offered it is permissible to receive it. In fact, the articles I cited discuss the importance of immunizing our children and parents' "moral obligation to protect the life and health of their children and those around them". I was extremely nervous about talking to our doctor about it. I had called to speak with a nurse prior to going to our appointment, and she basically told me that Nathan had to receive Pentacel. I almost cried when she told me this. In her defense, I hadn't explained why I wanted my son to receive an alternative shot, but I still felt defeated. At our appointment, we explained to our doctor our concerns regarding Pentacel and asked if Nathan could get Pediarix instead. She was very receptive and immediately agreed. She also offered to look at the components in all the vaccinations he would be receiving that day to be sure nothing else was derived from the fetal cell line. I liked our doctor before, but now I loved her. And the nurse that administered his shots let us know that she set aside his future doses of Pediarix to ensure that they have it in stock for us at our future visits. I was expecting to be faced with resistance, but they were very understanding and did not question us for a minute.

If our friend hadn't informed us about these vaccinations, I never would have known. Most people I have told about it so far were in shock. So I hope that by sharing this we can spread the word. Maybe the more people that ask for other options, doctors will be forced to think twice about administering Pentacel. I also hope that some day soon the medical field provides us with more acceptable options for those vaccinations that have no alternatives at this time.

"Hey pharmaceutical companies!"

"Yea, you!"

"Let's get some vaccinations that are morally acceptable."

"Got it?"

"Good."

Little Happies 1!

Little man is finally allowing me to put him in his swing at nap time today, so I ran to my computer to get a blog post in. I absolutely love this link-up at Blessed to Be and have been wanting to join in for the past few weeks, so I'm excited to join in today. So here are some of my little happies.

1.  In general, I try to stay away from caffeine. I generally don't drink much caffeine, so when I do I tend to really feel it. I don't really like coffee that much anyways, but I do LOVE iced coffee with a shot of flavor of course. When I went back to work I found myself stopping at the golden arches for a french vanilla iced coffee and an egg white delight each morning. It made waking up and dropping off my little guy at my mom's a little easier, and quite frankly kept me awake. I decided to take a break from these little pit stops for Lent, but I have a feeling this little happy will be making another appearance around Easter.

2.

My next little happy was a delicious meal we had this weekend with Dan's family in Effingham. We went out to lunch at a new Japanese restaurant, and boy was it delicious. Just a couple years ago I wouldn't touch sushi. It grossed me out, but Dan got me to go to a Japanese restaurant with him once and I'm on board now. I wish I would have gotten a picture of the spread that we had Saturday, but all we have is a shot of my delicious Pina Colada (mmm another little happy) and me feeding one of my "biggest happies" these days.

3. Taking trips to Effingham are another little happy for me. I love relaxing with family and spending time with everyone. This weekend we also got Nathan's 3 month pics and family pictures taken. It was a lot of fun. I feel like these trips to visit family are a nice little break from any stresses we may have.

4. Spending time with friends. We had a great visit with some of our closest friends last Sunday. We hadn't all been together in a few months, so it was a much needed visit. We're are so blessed with the friends we have in our lives who we can honestly say are like family to us.

5. When I walk in the room on moments like this.

Nathan absolutely adores Dan. If he hears his voice, he will strain his neck to try and find him. If Dan and I are standing above him together, his eyes go directly to Dan's face. I don't have a chance. I can't compete with their father-son bond. And boy is my son lucky to have this guy as his daddy. 

6. One of my favorite little happies these days is resting my cheek on the side or back of Nathan's head. It just brings me such peace and joy. My heart jumps a little just typing this. LOVE

7. A clean house- Last night we came home from Effingham to a clean house. These days (and really always) that's rare. We had our final home visit for our adoption license on Friday (you have to do it every 6 months to keep your license active), so we had to pick up a bit. There's nothing like coming home to a cleared kitchen table and not tripping over blankets, toys, and clothes on the family room floor. 

Those are my little happies for the week! Thanks to Stephanie for hosting! 

PS- To all the adoptive families just finishing up their first home study process, I guarantee you will never clean your house as well as you had it for that first licensing home visit. I took off a day of work to clean the first time around. Never again... we're lucky if we remembered to pick up for the last couple!

5 out of 7...

Not too bad... I didn't quite make it with the 7 posts in 7 days, but I think 5 out of 7 with a 2 month old isn't bad :) He is currently asleep in my arms so today a few pictures will have to do.

Someone got to play in his jumpy for the first time today and seems to like it.

He's getting pretty strong. Tummy time is a breeze :) I just love how he looks like such a peanut in this picture!

Hanging out with Uncle Marky. 

And just hanging out with mommy. 

I may not have made it to 7 posts in 7 days, but it served its purpose of reminding me to blog and how much I enjoy it. So hopefully I'll be on here a bit more than once every couple weeks now :)