Stuck

Today is one of those days where I feel stuck. Every once in a while, I have a day where I get ridiculously impatient with life and want to just speed up this whole adoption process. So I find myself looking around online at useless webpages in search of this miraculous solution to getting a baby, as in bring one home today. That's realistic, right? Then I look around to see if there is anything I can post on our Facebook adoption page to try to get more people to check it out, while at the same time not annoying every person who has liked it by asking them to spread the word for the 50th time. If you haven't already, follow the tabs at the top of the page to our adoption links and "like" us on Facebook to spread the word. (Shameless plug! I couldn't resist.) And after all this, I always end up with nothing to show for it, and I've wasted a couple hours, not to mention ignored my husband during the time we can actually relax and spend together. 

Lately I have been so busy at work that I haven't been letting it all get to me as much, but this weekend we had no particular plans, so it all just became so much more in my face and on my mind. A lot of our friends now have kids and can't just go out at the drop of a hat anymore. And so we find ourselves even more lost in this place between just married and parenting. People who just got married are having babies already, and it feels unfair to be married 5 years and still be a family of two. I know that we don't "deserve" a child, as a child is purely a gift. It's really not up to us. And I know God has great plans for us, even if sometimes it feels like we've made a wrong turn somehow that has gotten us in this totally lost place. I know and believe all these things, but it doesn't mean that I won't have a day like today where I get greedy and want control.

I've really struggled a lot with just living my life and not always focusing on the future. I've been at a standstill for the past couple of years, and it is just so silly. I am so very blessed, but all I can seem to do is focus on this desire for a child most of the time. It's beginning to feel like it will never happen. And so here I am... stuck.

At least I'm not alone in the wait :)